Smash Mansion Mayhem!
by Winchester Wolf
Summary: Read along as Link and SOME of his friends cope with the atrocities and craziness of the Smash Mansion! Chapter 3 is out! Randomness is insured and is in this chapter! Please, read and review! (Ily all)
1. Deku Destruction! Part 1

**A/N: Hi guys, this is a remake of my very old fanfic, so old I forgot the name of it. o_. New year, new beginnings, and what's a better way to do that than make a fanfic! ;o **

**Here I go~! 3**

**Oh, and I do not own SSBB or any of the chars in it except OCs. And OCs will not come in until- like, a long time. XD**

Link was sitting in the middle of the fields of the Smash Mansion, thinking. No one hardly gets to think about anything here.

With all the riots and explosions and farts, well... How do you think?

_Flash!_ Something whizzed past him, then exploded. Bewildered, Link looked around, only to find out that it was a Deku Nut explosion! Cursing under his breath, Link got up and tried to run to the Mansion, only to get directly hit in the face with a Deku Nut.

**BANG.**

The last thing he saw before blacking out was a... Nut?

"He's alive, but he probably will have to stay in bed for a few days."

Link opened his eyes, and found himself lying on a soft, comfy bed. Looking up, he saw Marth, Zelda, Peach, and Dr. Mario standing over him. 'Wait, what in bloody hell was this place?' he though to himself, trying to get up- Only to see he was literally locked to the bed. His hands were chained to the posts of the bed.

Marth turned around, and saw that Link was awake. "Oh, you're awake, Link!" he cried, hugging him- Only to get demon glares from Zelda. "Oh, sorry." he said, and shrunk back into the wall of the room. Zelda smiled and brought Marth back into the room, just behind Zelda. Quite a bit behind Zelda.

Giving a 'friendly' smile to Link, Peach kissed him on the cheek- Leaving his cheeks red as a cherry. "So, you're awake. We found out that someone was throwing Deku butts- I mean nuts, off the roof off the mansion. The question is, how did someone get onto the roof?"

"That's what we were talking about before..how someone would get onto the roof." Marth inquired.

Sitting up now, Link grinned and rubbed his hands as close together as he could without straining himself. "So, what are we going to do now?"

Dr. Mario raised his eyebrows. "We? You're not going anywhere, hence the handcuffs."

Link growled, shaking the handcuffs. "Let-me-go!" he kicked around, hitting Marth in the face.

Marth fell, and chaos erupted.

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**A/N: So! Do you like it- Even though nooneisgonnareadthis, please R'n'R!**

**HUGS, MODERATE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, REVIEWS, AND COOKIES ARE APPRECIATED! 3**


	2. Bathroom Break from Deku Nuts!

_**I don't own SSBB.**_

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"No, this way!"

"No, you're wrong, stupid. The way to the roof is up there."

"WILL BOTH OF YOU JUST SHUT UP!?"

**"No."**

Link sighed as he followed the three- Marth, Zelda, and Peach. And it was stupid. The three kept constantly bickering, and Link swore that they passed the stairwell to the roof about 5 times now. Dr. Mario (who was the overprotective person he was,) insisted that Link could only go with a 'bodyguard'...

And that bodyguard was Marth. He remembered how it happened...

* * *

_"I! WANT! TO! GO!" Link wailed, thrashing on the bed and kicking Marth in the face. Marth fell, and chaos erupted. Peach screaming and rushing to Marth's side, immediately rubbing his face with some medicine. Dr. Mario, instructing Peach to not rub his face but to dab his face, but to no avail (she was like, deaf). Zelda slapping Link's face with some official-looking papers she was holding. __**Fangirls screaming for Marth and vowing to kill Link with their bare hands.**_

_Master Hand, hearing all the commotion in the hospital, rushed (teleported?) to the hospital as fast as his invisible...well...his invisible floating body could carry him. _

**_"WHAT IS ALL THIS COMMOTION!" _**_The huge hand roared, silencing all of the Smashers and people inside the hospital in an instant, except the fangirls, since Master Hand had no power over them since they were not actually part of the Mansion and hadn't signed the contract that bound the people who signed it to have the unfortunate ability of getting to get their asses handed to them on a silver platter by Master Hand whenever he wanted to._

_**"LINK KICKED MARTH IN THE FACE (ON PURPOSE) TO GET OUT OF HIS HANDCUFFS!"**__ The fangirls roared, threatening to murder him in his sleep. (Believe me, fangirls are horrible. When they threaten you, you might wanna calm them down- They're like Beliebers (fans of Justin Beiber)- They see small little things as, well...)_

_Master Hand sighed and rubbed his pinky (I have no idea). "__**I've heard about the Deku Nut problem, and I want all of you to cooperate and find the culprit. Since you guys are the only people who've actually lived through the Deku Nuts and haven't forgotten what happened, I'm going to give ONLY YOU guys this assignment. You people may only talk to me about this."**_

_"Goodbye." And he disappeared._

_Zelda raised her eyebrows. _

_"Well, that was certainly brief."_

* * *

Link certainly regretted kicking Marth in the face. Why?

One, he was overprotective.

Two, he kept asking questions, like: "So, are you and Zelda _actually_ together now?" Which unnerved him and made him grouchier than when Zelda accidentally napped when she was sewing (Zelda takes tasks very seriously).

Three, well, he didn't know. He had a bodyguard who acted like his mom?

So, they explored the Mansion and found things they'd normally never see without Master Hand's permission, like, Zelda seeing the Men's Bathroom and Marth and Link seeing _**that pink toilet** in the girl's bathroom **that had pink seat warmers and some premium toilet paper.**_

Link wrinkled his nose. "The girls have_ premium toilet paper?_"

Marth raised his eyebrows. "_They_ probably think that boys are, well...for lack of words, _messier. _And that's true. **Very true.**"

They met up with Zelda and Peach where the bathrooms met, and both of the girls had one of those masks that hid your mouth and nose.

"I am never going there again!" Zelda shrieked at Link, shaking his shoulders.

Meanwhile, Peach said dreamily, "Can we go there again? I saw Captain Falcon-" She stopped talking and blushed.

**To be honest, they were getting nowhere.**

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**A/N: Gods, Peach you pervert.**

**Peach: No, I just like-**

**Zelda: He's right.**

**Marth: WHY IN ALTEA DO YOU HAVE TOILET WARMERS AND PREMIUM TOILET PAPER?**

***escaped from chaos* Anyway, read and review guys! 3 Do you like it?**

** Oh, and Turquoiseluv134:**

**Random is my style. This is how I roll. \o/**


	3. Important Deku Chapter

**Ohmigod nao 2 reviews! Thank you two for you support! Oh, and that sneaky person who sneakily sneaked a favorite/follow... I KNOW YOU ARE SNEAKY! :D Anyway, onto the story! 3**

**I personally do not own Super Smash Bros. or any of the companies linked with it (I wish!).**

**WARNING: There are some, well, interesting topics in this chapter, i.e hygiene, clothing, etc. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!**

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As Link finally calmed the group down, he had to deal with some issues, like...

Zelda's hygienic issues about the males in the bathroom. She was wailing like a little baby how there was a 'stain' on the bathroom floor, and how she slipped on her dress right onto the 'stain'. It was a good thing that Link 'told' her that the 'stain' was just some pudding that Lucas had dropped in a rush to go to the bathroom. Zelda raised her eyebrows at this, but she didn't ask anymore questions.

Another issue was Marth's complaining about the pink seat warmers in the Woman's Restroom.

"By Altea, why do you get seat warmers, even something **P!NK****, **in your restroom, but we don't! Some of you even have assigned restrooms! **WHY IN ALTEA CAN'T WE HAVE THAT!?**"

Calmly, Zelda said, "We are simply cleaner than boys. If you want to complain, bring it up with **Master Hand**."

After hearing that, Marth blatantly insisted on seeing **Master** **Hand** after the Deku Nut problem. Being BFFs and a great friend, he promised (unhappily,) that he would go with Marth to **Master Hand.** This would undoubtedly cause problems with Link's time-

He had to go spar with Ike after he wrestled.. He would undoubtedly be half-naked and drunk at that time... Link shuddered. Ike drunk was like Donkey Kong on steroids, with the grunting included.

Then eat dinner... Undoubtedly, Zelda would insist on sitting next to Link, even though he sat next to what she called '_The Big Boys' _(guess who those were.), which would mean he would have to eat more vegetables. Vegetables, were horrible. Even though Kirby used peppers and juicy lettuce, he still hated the rest of them- They wanted to make him vomit._  
_

Then get taught by Kirby on how to cook. Kirby was by no means nice in the kitchen. He only did this because he had to learn how to burn time, and at the time, it seemed like a reasonable choice. **WHICH WAS A BLATANT LIE. **It was one of the worst choices he ever made, and he had made some pretty bad choices. Whenever the Hylian made a mistake, Kirby would rant for ten minutes like Ludo Lefebvre (no offense to him) mad on the _Taste_, which, by the way, was something that all cooks in the Mansion watched.

The final (and worst) issue he had to deal with was the messed up visions in Peach's mind. The pervert! She had just seen Captain Falcon and Ike...bare, to say the least. The least she could do is keep the vision inside her own big, fat, head and stop spreading the rumor around (Link suspected,) just to make the rest of the group want to go the Woman's Restroom to vomit.

"Well, just because they were bare doesn't mean every single man in the Mansion does that! Besides," Link shot back at Peach, who had been 'fantasizing' verbally about the, well, bare scene. She went into every single detail, including the muscles, the- Well, I don't have to list everything here, right?

**"THE TWO WERE GETTING READY FOR A WRESTLING MATCH!"** He roared at her, spittle spraying the other two while Peach absorbed the brunt of it all calmly with her supercalifragilisticexpialidocious umbrella. The once pink umbrella was now white with spit and whatever (Gross, right?).

Peach gasped over dramatically. "They were getting ready to wrestle...?" She fantasized dreamily, her hands covering her mouth now. "But on a side note.."

**"OH. MY. GUCCI. YOU GOT SPITTLE ALL OVER MY DRESS!" **The pink princess screamed, getting ready for the ultimate move of ultimateness. She withdrew to one of the corners of the room so she could hit him with **OVER 9000** power! Pink hearts gathered around her, as her eyes gleamed a demonic red.

Being close to Peach, Zelda and Marth ran out of the room, screaming like the little princesses they were. Link, however, not knowing Peach's demon move, laughed like the fool he was. He fell onto his butt, laughing so hard, tears fell out of his eyes.

"You can't scare me with that, fool! I am the **_Hylian Hero_**! Nothing can beat me!"

Are you sure about _that,_ Link?

...**PEACH BOMBER!**

Peach rocketed to Link, pink fart hearts propelling her to the Hylian. She headbutted, then butt-butted him. The force of her butt was so powerful, if you had a power calculator, in would say **'OVER 9000!'**

Pink hearts fluttered around her body as the world exploded, which made me, the creator of this FanFic, recreate the world and rephrase that.

Pink hearts fluttered around her body as Link's body shook in a millisecond, absorbing all the hearts (and farts), around him. The room promptly exploded around Peach, and poor Linky-poo was catapulted- No, _shot_ out of the Mansion, breaking all the speed limits in the world (and the sound barrier) and landing him somewhere in America..

Right were some innocent boys and girls were having some cookies in milk. He landed right where the mother of the group was going to place the cookies. His legs were sticking straight up, giving the boys some very..._private_ views.

Cheekily, the Hero looked at the mother of the group, who was staring in shock at the very handsome man who landed on the table.

"Ooh, chocolate chip! Can I have some too?"

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**A/N: Probably the craziest chapter I've done in my life. I like it, though. With all the randomness, please R/R! Constructive criticism and moderate-to-none flaming is appreciated! c:**

**On a side note, OH MY GUCCI A THOUSAND WORDS! \o/**


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